For the past few weeks we only have time in night to chat since hes busy for work but he always talk about sex and video chat with me to see my pussy and whenever I rejected him I dont get a reply or he would say hed go to sleep. Now my mom did not know about my boyfriend i was afraid to tell her cause she probably wouldnt approve that he didnt go to school. Needless to say, I do not want to get married, to see if that will make a difference. Please help? Now, I dont know all the details of this, but I would say that hes pushing you away unintentionally while trying to cope with the loss of his father. Is your boyfriend an emotionally unavailable man? He avoided conversations about his feelings, and we struggled to communicate & resolve issues. He has way more money than me and said he didnt do anything because he was angry at me. My boyfriend and I both 21 have been dating for almost 3 years and for almost 2 years he has been serving the military back home with only weekends to spare and while I am in Canada studying for almost a year. Im in college and so is he. good luck to you. Its not that those things arent wonderful, its just that I. is dealing with the pressure of having other things on their mind, such as an achingly difficult work project or personal and/or familial issues that sap them of the energy to deal with little else. I read this article today because today he laughed at me when I put on a dress that wasnt low cut or revels my chest. i feel lonely in my relationship because it is very one sided. But now everything is so plain and horrible. But when it comes to his business he always asks for my help and Im always putting things aside to help him. I came across a guy who seemed familiar but had a different name. Then he asked me out for coffee later tonight if i am free, I told me I am already engaged ( which I am). Its hard for me to talk about it with him because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it. Please advice and apologize for the long narration. I try to sit and talk about things and he rejects or belittles my input. On a scale of 1 to 10, would you rate your relationship a 1 (you started dating within the last couple of months and are still in the beginning phases of getting to know each other) or a 10 (youve been dating for 20 years and know each other inside and out)? He wont text me all day till I text him. He rarely responds to texts throughout the day and he never texts me first. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. I said sorry like 4 times before I hung up. Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, i love him and I know he loves me back but, my biggest insecurity is him changing and being lazy in the relationship, which I have noticed he has been doing lately. With his work schedule he doesnt make any effort. I have been dating my BF for 7 months now. YESTERDAY I TEXTED HIM AN TOLD HIM THE TRASH SMELT BAD AND HE SAID OKAY ILL TAKE IT OUT WHENI GET HOME. Carve out time for conversation, get in tune with their needs, stop avoiding difficult chats, empathize with what they say, and listen to how they say it. If youre not happy then leave him, its that simple. Once I asked him for a selfie and he said no because he thought I only did it to prove something to people. He was wearing them every day when he started his new job. I kept on wishing the man I met at the beginning of the relationship would show up but he never did. I am retired. I love him a lot- weve been together for 2.5 years- but Im starting to realize that despite my feelings for him, I cant continue on in the relationship if he isnt willing to understand my feelings and desires. I always refuse because I want to make it on my own. Give him some space to work on his stuff and go easy on him for a bit. Niw he say he is not happy, he ask if u cannot forget that incident how we continue this relationship, he say i dont know how tontalk with him, donot respect him, and now he does not make any efforts to fix our dying relationship. Nothing. Its amazing how identical to yours he is. I leave him love notes and make him dinner all the time and he doesnt match my effort. And its so confusing because we do get along on every other front like we laugh and have so much fun when we hangout and talk a couple times everyday, but I tell him I like small silly gifts every now and then, and just anything thats like hey this made me think of you but he still doesnt seem to get it. It takes a lot of patience and time. One of the best things to do when youre confused about your relationship is to pull back and try to see yourself and your boyfriend more objectively. Perhaps he wasnt taught how to love a woman, and he hasnt taken time to learn what goes into a happy, healthy relationship. The Best Way To Get His Attention Is To Stop Giving Him Yours By Ossiana Tepfenhart Written on Jun 16, 2020 Photo: getty One of my exes was notorious for his He feels sex is for marriage. You, me, and probably thousands of other girls are in the same boat right now with the Coronavirus. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. He also is financially stressed and gets seasonal sadness (its winter here in Wisconsin) and I try my hardest to support his needs with it all but it drains me always having to take care of him while I get nothing in return except more expectations. Surprising me with letters, giving me flowers and just little things like opening the door for me. I dont understand the change in behavior, at all. I feel in this kind of limbo where expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship that doesnt actually exist makes me sound like a basket case. I dont know what to do anymore. Do I move the goal post so he can succeed? Hes a good guy but I dont know why he stopped trying. He used o do his laundry, make his bed, clean the kitchen, cook himself and I dinner when I was at HIS place a lot or even when i moved in with him! And, your definition of not making an effort may not match your boyfriends definitionwhich means youre operating from a completely different set of expectations. It is too immature an attitude for a 56 year old intelligent man. It took several conversations where I told him i needed him to be the one to ask me to meet up and reach out more often, as it made me feel loved. Especially since at the beginning thats when you have your honeymoon stage with the feeling of butterflies and the sweet words. And hes unshowered and playing video games! Stay fabulous sis!? I am an emotional person and I tend to cry. I havent felt loved in so long and ever since we started doing long distance, I feel like Im always putting in effort to do a lot of small things for him just to cheer him up but he doesnt think about doing anything special for me. It's easy for people to say, "It's Paula an emotional rollercoaster is an emotional roller coaster. I have three jobshe has one, Ive been threatened in relationships/emotionally abusedhe was cheated on. Hi I have been in relation with my boyfriend for 3 months now. Dont tell him, because he might try to manipulate you. I pay d bills, I buy him stuffs give him money, I practically do everything in d relationship . I guess in the end we need to decide if hes worth all this heartache. We have been together about a year and a half, when we are together we have fun and our intimacy is great. He is separated with 4 kids and a selfish demanding ex wife who took everything she could from him while they were together. He was telling me about his plan for tomorrow and I asked about when we are supposed to go out, he acted annoyed and commented I knew you would be worried about that really? Where Im at in my life, after 5 years, if Im not a fianc, Im gone. Im about to turn 20 in a few months and hes 25, Im afraid i might be a little too naive or wayyy too vulnerable for someone like him. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. I just dont know what to do. Unless he drank to much then he was argumentative and yucky. For example, his car broke down in a town more then an hour away. If your S.O. He said he was planning on proposing that year. After his birthday he left his sisters and moved in with his mom. Not ever. they say love is sweeter than the second time arounnd, probably to some but not on me l met my boyfriebd wayback in highschool .. Im so gullible that time that I gave him everything I had. I guess what im really confused about is, Is he really just being comfortable or is he thinking that i would never leave him ( he knows) so it dosent matter how he treats me or how much effort he puts in? from there we started to be friend. Hi Jessica, Sweetie this man is never going to love you the way you want him too.He may love you the only way he knows how and its not a healthy kind of love by your comments. But I just dont have enough energy to even cry sometimes. Its really hard, but Im trying. He is playing you and gas lightning you! Mildly work related topics but no reason for the call other than chat and vent. For a while there I was wondering if he was a narcissist, player or just using me. Im lucky if I get a phone call from him. Always honest. Not just that, sexually as well. I have felt hurt and abandoned, left out, unwanted, ever since he started his masters two years ago and threatened by his preference for them over me. If, say, youre a non-stop talker, you frequently talk over your partner, tend to interrupt, and just aren't a good listener, they'll stop sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings because they don't feel "heard." I cant help but feel like he doesnt care as much about me as he used to, as we used to spend more time together before when I was more prioritized. Just think about how you can start fresh with a new guy (or two) and pick out someone who will do things with you, cuddle and kiss on the couch, spend time searching for the perfect gift, and keep his word about when hes coming over. Im always the one organizing my life around his and making sure we see each other. Im hoping this isnt becoming a pattern. After this last incident, something broke inside of me and I said no more. Ive put my career aside to help him build his business. I know how hard it is to let go, but you can do it. However he has an interview for one. This person does not respect my boundary. All you can do is give him space to love you the way he wants. The way he acted after you said you need a romantic date, even if you said it while in tears or upset, is absolutely unacceptable. We live like 30-35 minutes away but I have friends who have relationships similar and they see their boyfriends all the time. But after reading the article I realize that Ive just been complaining but I have never taken out the time to ask him, what a healthy happy relationship looks like to him, what his definition of effort is, or what kind of life does he want us to live, with me planning everything for us or what he wants. I am not allowed upstairs in their house either, it just makes me feel uncomfortable if I go to his. Girl what? Its like Im wrapped around his finger but he doesnt want to care and so its hard for me to let go because I truly love him but hes not the same with me. He just doesnt make an effort to ask me to do things. He Is Nervous. We used to work on projects together, go for walks, and he barely even grooms now. Ive changed from an angry tone to a more assertive one but even if we sort them out, hed revert back to his old habits and ill start pointing fingers and he shuts it out again and eventually we stop talking about it altogether. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, but we have known each other for 10 years. Youre not alone my girl xxx, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2yrs now, everything was all good until the beginning of 2019,he started to distance himself from me, one day I received a text message from a strange number asking me if I know my boyfriend and if we are dating, I was calm and honest when I answered the text, I went to whatsapp and checked the number out and I saw the photo, it was a lady texting me, I asked her who she was and she said she was just a friend to my guy and she noticed that lately my guy has been stressed and she thought it was a lady stressing her, thats why she snooped on his phone and got my number, all this time I remained calm, thee following day I decided to go to my boyfriend house without informing him, it was around 10pm, I met with the same lady their, my guy was not around, I got inside the house and the lady went straight to sit at the bed while I was sitting at the chair, I couldnt wait any longer I went home, I couldnt get in touch with the guy on phone, his phone was off, the following day this same lady called me at around 7pm telling me that my boyfriend is sick, I went to his house and I found the lady with my guy sitting on the bed very close, I was still calm I said hi and I sat on the chair, this lady excused herself and left me with my guy, I asked him who was the lady and he told me that his best friend was dating Herr so they are just good friends, we spoke and everything was good, the following day in the morning this lady text me and tells me why I came to break that guys heart, the guy told the lady that I had come to break up with him, that I told him I found another man, I never said anything like that, why was my guy lying? I dont have a say in anything and I cant express how I feel because he tells me its all on me and pretty much its my fault I feel the way I do. He is using you for everything you got. Now I just want to be alone. That bothers me because on his birthday I did get him a little something and also, called his sister to get his favorite chocolate cake and chocolate icing recipe of his moms who is deceased. SO , I DONT KNOW BUT IM FEELING AT THE END OF MY ROPE. And then proceeded to call me later like nothing was wrong to tell me about something that happened at work. He was pursuing and attentive at first, expressed that he wanted a committed monogamous relationship, and did little things like bringing me gifts, making sure I had water at night when I stayed over, giving me a sweatshirt of his to wear in the morning, just little attentive kind things. this article is useful, thank you. thats about it. We do not even live together and he puts no effort, and I think throughout the years it would get worse if we get married, or live together. Anyway not sure what to do either but it helps to know Im not the only one. I talked to him early in the day (he was out of town). In order for your partner to communicate, share ideas, and feel close to you, you must reciprocate their attention; a healthy relationship isn't a one-way street. He has no end of time for himself. He had PTSD, bi polar disorder and anxiety. She saw me with his hat and questioned me and i told her i got it from my best friend and she knew i was lying but didnt care. Doing this you will find out more about yourself. Romantic. And what if something bad happened to him which I hope not at least I know who to contact. Being that were sophomore and junior now, we dont have any classes together. He is a freeloader. He never posts about me. I dont know what to do. ? line and starts listing all the nice things he did recently. Maybe hes coping with financial problems in his professional or personal life, or grieving the los of someone he loves. When this happens occasionally, it's normal, but consider it a red flag if it's happening constantly. we see each other once a week, he invites me to his place at 9pm only to sleep together. Sometimes even i dont get it,If im asking for too much. Landis Bejar is a New York State Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the founder of AisleTalk: Consultation & Therapy. I am often not successful but I realized in the last 1-2 years, it is him. Im right there with you though, I feel the same way about my bf of 2 years. He blames his lack of functioning on his religious faith. I think its not enough to say I dont feel like Im a priority. Im so upset. But he reminds me almost daily that he thinks Im lazy and should be working at if Im not in school. I do really love him even we just got together. See why its so important for you to know your boyfriend and know yourself before deciding what to do when he doesnt make an effort? I dont want to push him away. He just replied by saying he didnt have any money. I feel like Ive tried everything to get us back on track so weve just spoken on the phone & hes going to think about things tonight. He always gives excuses such as I just ate and no matter what I still put my pride aside and do it for him. Ive mentioned the kissing thing to him a couple of times and so far, no real change. That also means i cant get a job either. Its just making me feel awful but its so difficult because he is my life Ive been with him that long and he is a sensitive person I dont want to hurt his feelings as he isnt bad at all hes just lazy, but I really feel like Im wasting my time now. He broke up with me because I was becoming emotionally unavailable and I always cried when I was with him. Then we were living in different countries. But he never tells me how he feels when I ask. Dont ever think you are alone btw! What he said was he passed out and decided to sleep at friends place because he was afraid of driving late. yes I did give myself to him.he was my first.. and it was the second time I snuck out but I did everything for him and I get ignored. I love my boyfriend so much, weve been together for a year now. Am I expecting too much from him? I just feel like that is so little reassurance for what would be 7 years together, that we would have the possibility to then just maybe live together. he may also feel that you do not put enough energy into him. When he was drinking, he was attentive, affectionate, and fun. Has financial debt, related to college expenses. My boyfriend is exactly the same and Ive been relating so much to what youve said in your post! Me and my partner have been together 5 years. I dont know, I hope someone out there can relate or help with how I feel. I asked him to help me move to where he lives the first 2 times he said yes quickly.. I feel its all one sided. Maybe he will brush his teeth at lunchtime but often he just smells like armpits and looks like a scruff and then wants to come to our clean bed that way. I completely understand that, but I dont hear him ever compliment me or anything that I do. I love him very much and I know that he loves me but deep down i often wonder how much i mean to him or if i mean much at all. I dont feel that he supports me in my decisions on things. Rather call it quit now and learn to live without him as soon as possible because you are in a loveless relationship. The last year and half has been a struggle just one thing after the other. Nor was him working full time and on his masters degree for 18 months. He said hes always lacked that proactiveness even with his friends (which Ive seen firsthand) and admitted he let that be my responsibility,not because he didnt want to see me but because it doesnt occur to him to organise. He has always been so sweet and consistent. You will be happy, trust me. So many thoughts, so many scenarios. It will be uncomfortable for awhile with out him, but its better on the other side. I would appreciate any advice! Sometimes I felt that he was mad at me, he would say that I was a show off or that I always took things too seriously. Fast forward to after the trip, he rolled back into town and expected me to be completely free for him to come over to loaf around my apartment. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. I get it but at the same time if he wasnt ready to forgive me he didnt need to and should of taken his own time instead of us going through this. If this doesnt work for you if he disrespects, ignores, or even abuses you then you need to decide what to do. Try to change. Coming to the realization that a partner is no longer emotionally invested in your commitment isn't an easy pill to swallow, and it's definitely not something to ignore. What you talk about really does depend on the issues youre facing, how long youve been together, and why your boyfriend isnt making an effort in your relationship. Literally so many times. recently,his uncle and fam went to visit them and its been quiet hectic for him with three energetic kids pestering him every moment. I feel so let down all the time when I really am not asking for much. I just dont feel like he loves me , why am I with him & what is he not getting ? But the few times i ask him to go out of his way for me, its like im not important enough for him to do anything for. He has been going through a lot, with an unsupportive family, a broken ankle, financial troubles, depressionbut I have been steady and I have been supportiveI have loved him so well. wishful thinking: wanting to be wanted deeply wanted to feel like a woman kisses, grabbed, eye gazed wanting to be complimented and acknowledged. You cant make him love you, or force him to make an effort in your relationship. i yearn for good morning texts or check ins throughout the day. He replied: about what? Yet around the holidays, he has completely dropped off the radar and is barely giving me more than a one word text response back. I went back to check on him and he was online for like a minute..(Thinking he was asleep I left sweet messages for him to read when he wakes up. BUT both have to put in the work and if its not happening the work then its not happening and we are settling. He always tells me that he loves me and always talks about the future seriously, but honestly it just feels like I just have to take his word for it. How much do you know about his life, family, friends and job? And think about the other person not just about yourself. Hes now working at a new job since Jan and its great! The first few months of the relationship that was a constant and we were dying to see eachother every other weekend. second: (and here is the big thing!) He has recently been stressed about getting into grad school and got denied for his first two school. I got back with my ex after months. Of all the relationships you have, I was the best one, I did everything for you and this is how you pay me back. Or he took them off somewhere he shouldnt have between home and work and left them or maybe regifted to one of his cohort? Easier said than done, I know, but you wont regret it. i want to try to talk to him about it since we never argued or anything but ive been feeling this way for quite a while and i dont want to just break up with him like that. I have trust issues as well. I got furious.He did this pretty often in the past but I used to tell him how I didnt like his sudden occasions of disappearing without a word cause it makes me worried. if he is not putting in the effort to help you, that becomes tiring and it is not fair. I know he loves me but weve talked multiple times about how I dont feel loved, wanted, or appreciated, and he just sits there and doesnt change. HE DOESNT TAKE THE TRASH OUT ANYMORE. I worked until 11 pm and he worked until 7 and this morning I even brought everything out ingredients wise for him to FOR ONCE make me dinner because I was getting home SO late and SO exhausted. He betrayed his best friend, he betrayed the woman that has been loving him. There could be many reasons why your partner is not showing you the affection you desire, and according to therapist, dating and relationship coach and former matchmaker I told him about how I felt scared I looked too nerdy in my full protection hear and helmet and everyone else wasnt wearing any. I so desperately want a date once in a while wether its once a month so we can enjoy each other and so i can feel like hes doing something special with me AND so i wont go crazy spending every moment in the HOUSE. He Found Someone Else. We are now in quarantine and I have mostly been the one to come see him. Me and my boyfriend are reaching our 2 year anniversary and I dont know how I feel anymore, hes changed. Thanks for your confidence in a random stranger. August came around I went back to school. My bday in Jan and our 5 year anniversary/V-tines Day was a sh*t show. I used to take accountability for the frequent fights once they started. This guy is not considerate at all and does not have your best interest at heart. I really love him and care for him. Im just confused if he really want me he should have no excuses in having time with me. That will show me he doesnt plan on committing for the long haul. Its comforting knowing others face the same issues. I am insecure and scared because all my past relationships,Ive been either cheated on or dumped. Do I let this person disrespect my boundary? I dont want to settle or compromise my own feelings anymore..And you shouldnt either. You may have to loosen your attachment and allow your boyfriend to withdraw or even leave. We spent four weekends together at his place and virtually every day together on a mutual project for a month. My issue lately is, he will tell me he will come to my house on Saturday after work, then later he will call and say he has to go get his dogs and pick them up. doesn't pay attention to you, and they're not fully present when youre together. so I do have to take that into account, and when his parents go away for the summer its wayyyy easier to spend more time with him, he becomes so laid back. ! And he states that he just noticed it then. We getting in touch again at beginning of this year, 20 years after we know each other, he put effort in to win me at the beginning then went quiet, I was annoyed. Dee, well said and youre 100 percent correct! He had a past and opened up to me about it and we were just a rlly good couple. He never plans to visit me unless I ask him when hes coming, like he doesnt do anything unless I nag him, and I dont want to be a nagging person so I thought its best we go separate ways and see if we can work it out. I hope you work things out- either way. Just stop talking to him and stop making so much effort. It made me sad, I didnt even hear from him all weekend and then he tells me he misses me. You figure youll be happier not wanting anything from anyone. Either speak up about these things or get out of that relationship. Actually they havnt shared any sexual pictures or that was not very sexual conversation. yes, I did reply. I need suggestions on how to deal with this. P.S. Im the beginning, it was easy. Idk what to do anymore. Oh and i forgot to say that the first and second time i snuck out I paid his sister 40 dollars OUT OF MY BIRTHDAY MONEY. Since Christmas hes stopped seeing as much, no nice texts, less phone calls he says its not me & its because hes busy with work but even now on a Friday night hes at his place & im at mine. But If they are not- I think you have to consider moving on. 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